What is the Broccoli Rule?

It is simple in its meaning but complex in the telling. First off I must start by providing a little background. When I was a young lad considering my college career I met a wonderful lady that piqued my interest. She was a theatre major with odd music tastes and even odder political beliefs (being in theatre as she was she had nasty liberal tenancies). Anyway, it was the time of the Gulf War. I was in the military and she was protesting the war. I was a conservative republican and she was...unenlightened. But for some reason, I was besotted.

So instead of immediately attempting to change her views to match mine, I decided that I'd attempt to get a view of the world from her perspective. Following closely on the heals of a very direct conversation with her father in which I was told that if I wanted to marry his daughter I'd damn sure better have a college degree, I dropped out of a 2 year professional program (criminal justice) and started taking courses that would transfer to a B.A. program from a nearby community college. Enter the "Broccoli Rule."

Now as I have already stated, I wanted to understand more of where she was coming from and what she wanted to do for a living so...I signed up for a theatre appreciation course (hell, I needed the humanity anyway). Good course. Taught by the campus theatre department director who stuck to the basics. Problem was, he gave extra credit if you auditioned for the Fall play. Not being the type to ever overlook easy extra credit, a hallmark for any successful mediocre college student, I showed up and they offered me the part. DAMNIT.

He had a great sales technique really. "We need you to play the part of a young handsome noble who is the love interest to this attractive young lady. All the other people who auditioned would require half a ton of makeup just to be considered homely."

"Do I get to kiss her?" was my only response.

"Better not," my girlfriend muttered.

So now I'm in a play but not just any play. I'm in a period piece, Tartuffe, which was translated by one of the other professors into a more modern vernacular while maintaining the couplet sing song style. Of course, she didn't want us to use a Shakespearean delivery or even to be...exploratory. She wanted us to deliver exactly as she demonstrated and have us mimic. Okay, so now I'm a trained dog and as it turns outs, I DON'T even get to kiss the girl.

The play comes and goes and the best thing the reviewer had to say about me was that I was "like a wooden boy who doesn't loosen up until there was 8 seconds left in the play, but at least he wasn't ugly." Closing night comes and I'm feeling particularly stupid wondering why the love of my life considers this to be enjoyable when someone comes up to me and starts praising my efforts. I'm both dumbfounded and curious as to where she had just spent the last 2 hours and thus can't think of anything to say. This is when the wise old department director walks up and gives me his sagely advice.

"When someone comes up to you praising you for something you just did, politely thank them for their complement and then ask them, 'Do you like broccoli?'"

His and now my point is simple. First, taking them on their word that it is a complement. Don't attempt to guess their meaning or read too much into what you think they are NOT saying. Second, don't start asking them to feed your ego by attempting to get them to say more than they already have. If you start asking them too many questions in an attempt to hear more wonderful things about yourself, you will put them off. Third, don't start belittling yourself and nay saying them because it insulted and demeans their perceptions. And finally, change the topic. We all love to have our ego's stroked but that way leads to the darkside. Thank them for sharing their thoughts showing them that they are important to you and then ask them about themselves. Get the topic off of you and on to anything else. This will show others that you are not self-absorbed, egocentric or worse...overly humble. That last is almost as bad as the first two.

Anyway, for them what care, there it is.

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