Perception is reality

Do you believe that? I do.

This is an extension of a phone conversation I recently had with one of you but what the hell I'll throw it out and see who thinks I'm crazy.

What people perceive to be true, in their realm of existence, is the truth. If you think I'm an asshole than in your mind I am. Your perceptions and opinions of people are based on your personal experience and fact-finding (a trusted friend told you).

If your only exposure to someone includes them "being a jerk" or "a very nice guy" you may come away from the experience with a perception that is not widely shared. Similarly, if you hear about someone from a friend you trust but you've never actually met the person, your perceptions will be colored by their words. The old saying that it take 7x the amount of information to overturn a first impression comes to mind. It's difficult to not make snap judgments or have preconceived notions about individuals because our minds have a need to "template" people.

It's true. With Bera's training she could probably explain it better than me as I only learned this stuff through my Communications major. In that curriculum, we focused on how to improve and control such first meetings and how to resist snap judgments. As I understand it, templating is a way for the mind to control and organize data putting pieces of information together into similar categories. "Colin is an asshole," let's put him in the file with squire a, sir b, and duke c. "Andrew is a courteous guy," let's put him in the file with squire x, sir y, and duke z. Until you provide a stimulus that counters such beliefs, that is how you are remembered...by that person.

What changes this? Exposure to the person will add detail to the file that will in steps either confirm or overturn these impressions. Step one could move you to "Colin is a REAL asshole" or "Colin CAN BE an asshole SOMETIMES." Regardless, their perception is their reality. People can only act on information they are provided. You have to determine whether or not it is important to you to correct their negative impression. They are not in the wrong but they may be misinformed. You may not be in the wrong either but you can't blame them. If all they've heard about you is that "he takes heavy shots," "he is mean to women," or "he is rude to new fighters," well that message came from somewhere. You have to determine if you want to put sweet equality into getting the right message out. "I am not an asshole!"

This is not Clintonian spinning but rather personal relationship management. It starts by NOT doing those things that making people hate you. Hate is kind of strong because it requires an active role by the other person. You can't passively hate someone else as it takes energy. Disliking someone can be passive. Or if you prefer, let's say disinterest. I haven't really thought about it in these terms before but if I were to proffer out a spectrum, I'd say it might look something like this:

Hate, Dislike, Disinterest, Don't Know (DK), Interest, Like, Love

In the above, DK is the ultimate neutral (you haven't met or heard about them before). Try this, make a matrix of people that, in your mind, you classify to the right of DK. Next, try to determine where you think they would place you on their chart overall. Now, where do you want to put your personal relationship management efforts? If it were me I'd want to just get to parody. Interest for interest, like for like, and love for love but it is your call. If there is something that people perceive to be true about you that you what to correct, how are you going to address it? It's not "kissing up" or "brown nosing" if you are genuine. It's saying, "this is who I am, will you accept me for that? I accept you for who you are." If in your mind you can say that last part, you'll start to remove people from your own "left of DK" category and will be a less bitter person.

Okay, I know this was a probably too clinical and overly preachy and I could go on and on but...

For them what care, there it is... Continued at moral relativism

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