Congratulations on reaching the immortal age of 16. I say immortal because right about now you pretty much doubt anything in the world can hurt you. You are likely about to receive a license to kill. That 2000 lb automobile you will be getting behind the wheel of has killed more people than any single war in history. Realize that every time you start the engine, you take responsibility for the lives around you and it is an awesome burden. We love you. Be careful and always vigilant.

Now, to the matter at hand. The reason I sit down today in February of 2002 and write these words is to impart upon you the limited wisdom I have obtained in my 30+ years of existence. As time goes by I will continue to update it as I learn new things about the people around me and myself. Do with it what you will but understand that I have been in your position. Same doubts, same worries, same struggles, different era.

Now more than ever your mind will be focusing on the opposite sex. It probably started at the age of 12 but it is moving to a point that it is all you think about. Well okay, hopefully you have an interesting hobby and the driver's license thing is pretty cool but that also means you can now go out on dates alone. Much like an automobile, your growing passions and desires can be either a tool or a killer. Over the years I've developed a set of rules that helped me through this time. Truth is a lot of them are as important if not more so to me today. Understand too that as you read these rules know that they are equally applicable if read by the opposite sex...with some minor nuance changes.

Final word before we begin. The rules themselves, in the short form, are purposefully hyper-macho and somewhat arrogant. This is done for two reasons: First, as a mneumonic device to help you remember when you are faced with a tough situation; Second, to force you to explore and look at words in general from multiple angles. What you hear may not always be what you think you hear. You are old enough and have heard all these words before and probably use them with your friends when your mother and I are not around. Let's go.

This is the easiest to understand and the hardest to live by. Right now your passion is controlling your reason. You must struggle to prevent stupid mistakes from destroying your life. There is no such thing as a "one night stand." Once you've had sex with someone you can't undo it. There is no "I'm sorry." None. You have to live with the consequences of those actions for the rest of your life. If she screams rape, you get a disease, or she ends up pregnant don't come crying to me. The only safe sex is the type that makes your palm grow hairy. You're a smart kid but you're hormones are driving you nuts so your probably won't listen to that advice.

Well, listen to this part. How do you know that she isn't crazy (or at least not crazier than you)? Only time and really talking with her will give you the clue. Now I'm sure you are a lady's man and all that but if she's jumping in bed with you right away something is wrong. She may have emotional baggage that makes her need that type of "attention" or simply not in control of her OWN hormones. Someone has to be the adult and I'm asking it to be you! Spend time enjoying the aspects of courtly love that make such a coupling meaningful and memorable. I'm not asking you to wait years after meeting her nor am I asking you to have her take a Rorschach test, I'm asking your to let your "reason" rule your "passion."

One final note on this. If you haven't already, you are now REQUIRED to watch "Fatal Attraction" with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas. This is mandatory and nonnegotiable.

It is always the case that you have an opportunity to show a woman the things about you that make you loveable. However, no woman worth her salt is going to love you if you can't love yourself. Really understand who you want to be. It is however important to note the distinction between loving yourself and being IN love with yourself. That way leads to the darkside. Hehe, even though you are the son of your mother, you are far from perfect. At this point in your life you may not know who you are or what you want to do but you have developed a moral foundation and personal characteristics that make you uniquely you. Don't hide it. Don't be someone you're not. If there are things about yourself you want to change, change them. Your tomorrow starts today so get on it.

Just because every woman has the potential to loves you doesn't mean it's going to happen, or even that they should (if you find a married woman who's in love with you she CLEARLY violates Rule 1). There is an old saying that you never get a second chance to make a first impression. Other peoples perceptions of you are affected by things that are out of your control. Strive to at all time show you are a good and honorable man so as to not give them ammunition. Don't give them an excuse.

The best advice I can give you here is to first seek friendship and trust with a woman before attempting to lead it to something else. A foundation built without trust is one built upon the sand. That includes trusting yourself. What you are feeling? What you know to be right and wrong? Share it with her and see if your views on morality align. Not political or even social, just moral. When your mother and I met she was a liberal hippy peacenik protesting the War in the Gulf while I was a conservative republican serving as a Drill Sergeant in the US Army. Those types of "differences" will help you explore what you believe to be true and help open your eyes to understanding how and why others come to opposing views.

If you can't love yourself, no one else will either. Well, your mother and I will always love you but that's the only caveat you get from me kid.