Well, you are not actually treating her like dirt but if you are the sensitive lad I hope you to be it will feel like that.

This one is the hardest to understand and the easiest to mess up. The problem a lot of young lovers have is they become exclusionary. They concentrate all their efforts and all their attention on the subject of their infatuation to the determent of their friends, family, and most importantly themselves. Everything they do is related to making their "other half" happy. You literally become joined at the hip. You have no life outside that which the other permits. Don't do this. You need to maintain your individuality. You need to spend time doing things you enjoy even if your girlfriend doesn't. If you want to go to the game with the guys but she wants you to go with her to her parents have the strength to stick to your guns. She MAY pull the "if you don't do this, you don't love me" card. Your friends pulling you one way while your love pulls you another. That's when you may start to feel like you're not respecting her needs...or you're treating her like crap. Stand firm by your decision and she'll respect your for that. More on that last in a minute.

The reason this is the easiest to mess up is that it can be easily abused. If you do it too much you can end up REALLY treating her like dirt. When you commit to a relationship you commit to sharing your time with someone you care about. That means you will not always get your way. You'll lose out on the choice of the movie or you'll end up seeing "The Nutcracker." Worst of all, you'll have to spend time with her parents. Well, you've got to earn your karma before you can spend it. To be safe, always make sure you are doing at least a little more for others than you are doing for your own self-interest. You never have as much karma as you think.

Now back to the respect thing. Women don't want "yes men" (well, the good ones don't anyway). Women want partners to walk beside them not behind them. Truth be told, I know of a number of occasions where women left guys they considered too "clingy" and too "eager to please." They want a man with some backbone and willing to stand up for themselves and what they want. A man that they can run roughshod over is "boring" and "not a challenge." Yes I still check in with your mother before I make any plans but that is just to make sure we don't already have something planned that I forgot about. If your mother wants to spend that time doing something else, well then we negotiate...on equal terms.

The topic of lying will be covered in much more detail in a later Rule but I want to touch on it briefly here. If you choose to do something for yourself don't make excuses for it, don't attempt to justify it, and don't cover it with a lie. Stand by your decision but tell her what you're doing and who you're doing it with. If she asks why, simply say "for me." That's it. How many times do you find yourself doing things and you realize you are just doing it for her? A man that spends his entire life performing selfless acts has no balance. You must strive as in all things to find a balance in life and your commitments: one that doesn't overextend your ability to meet the obligations you have made to yourself.

Beauty is only skin deep but ugly is to the bone. Clich�? Yup. Beauty fades, weight gets added, and everything starts to sag. At your age, everyone wants a show pony when what you should be looking for is a draft horse. If Barbie doesn't have a brain, she will only ever be able to stimulate you in one way. I got lucky with your mother because she was the complete package. Even after more than 10 years together, when she smiles that special smile for me that reaches her eyes I still feel the need for a little "cuddle time." Well, maybe that is over sharing but not you're a big boy now so deal with it.

Now when you cast your net searching for that perfect woman who, according to Rule 2, already loves you, cast it as wide as possible. Don't limit yourself to a particular race, religion, national origin or cup size. Find someone that stimulates you intellectually first, physically second. Stay away from bigots, snobs, and elitists. People that are bitter, petty, or control freaks need to be thrown back in the water, too. Ugly people have a way of hiding themselves so be ever vigilant. If you don't discover their dirty little secret right away - get out as soon as you do. None of this "in for a dime, in for a dollar" crap either. Until your married with a house and child you can still have a shot at freedom. After that it's too late. Whatever you do, don't try to stick around to change her cause it isn't going to work. More on that in another rule.

Ugly people know what you need in life better than you. They are too busy fixing you to look in the mirror. Ugly people feel strong when they make others feel weak. Don't date one and don't be one.

Abraham Maslow, known by some as the father of humanist psychology, developed the concept of the Hierarchy of Needs. He divided it into the two categories of deficiency needs and growth needs. For this Rule, we are only going to talk about the deficiency needs: 1) Physiological, 2) Safety/Security, 3) Belonginess/Love, and 4) Esteem. You have to meet the need of the lowest before moving to the next higher level. Once each of these needs has been satisfied, if at some future time a deficiency is detected, you will naturally act to remove the deficiency. Why is this important? Glad you asked. Rule 5 definitely transcends your dating dichotomy. As with most rules this one comes in two parts.

First off, you need to understand the importance of being fiscally responsible. That means not spending money just because it is in your pocket. When a woman is evaluating potential mates, one of the questions she instinctly asks herself is whether or not this man will help or hinder her in fulfilling her security needs. As much as I hate to admit it, money makes the world go round. It allows us to assign worth (not value) to the various things we need to survive. If she cannot trust you to help her meet her physiological and security needs, she will choose another partner. If you are frivolously spending the money that was meant to pay the bills, then you do not have the capacity to be a worthy mate. She is in the right to keep looking.

Secondly, if you find yourself spending all your money on diamond earrings and ruby pendants in an effort to get her in your bed, you'll wind up both broke and horny. The way to a woman's heart is not through your bank account; it's through YOUR heart. Funny that huh? Buying a woman "stuff" is considered to be addressing an "esteem" need while doing nothing for the lower levels. Instead of sharing your Benjamins you should be sharing your soul. You have to open up your heart to allow her to develop a trust in you that will be a foundation for a long committed relationship. Once you've established you beachhead, you are then free to surprise her with little gifts. If you're smart, you may be able to do both at the same time. Let me give you an example.

When I was growing up I was pretty poor, very poor really. I didn't pass the magical $20,000 mark until I was past my mid 20's. I was almost always financially challenged. So here I am approaching your mother and my first Valentines together. We were both in college and both on tight budgets. Now I knew her dorm would be filled with ladies walking around with arms full of red roses. For some reason, the rule of supply and demand at that time of the year always drove the cost up beyond my ability to pay. I scrape together enough money to buy her 12 red heart shaped mylar balloons all baring the words "I love you." I even bought one extra white one that said, "PS, I love you." My cost was less than half that of the guys who bought roses with twice the effect.

But that was not what she loved most. When I was four years old my parents went through a divorce that saw us move five states away from what I knew to be home. My mother bought me a stuffed animal that was a lion. I named him Leo. He was my strength, courage, and friend when I was growing up. I knew I wanted to spend my life with your mother. I gave Leo to her with the story and told your mother I was intrusting her to keep it save until the day our sons needed it. What did it cost me? Nothing financial but I risked everything. Some people write poetry, some sing ballods. I have talent for neither. Your mother fell in love with what I had to offer. Risk your heart, not your wallet.

If you haven't already, you are also now required to watch "Cyrano Debergerac" with Jose Ferrar. This too is mandatory and nonnegotiable.