Back in the mid-fifties, the government started a little underfunded agency with the simple and laughable purpose of making contact with a race not of this planet. Everybody thought the agency was a joke. Except the aliens. They made contact on March 2nd, 1961, outside New York City. They were intergalactic refugees with a simple request: Let us use the earth as an apolitical zone for people to visit gardens and vineyards, outdoor fairs, Civil War battle re-enactments and a medley of musical events.

They live among us, in secret.

- "Men in Black"

She lives a quiet, unassuming, undercover life as a state tourism representative, handling statistics and marketing numbers for the variety of vacationers and sight-seers who pass through her home every year. No one, however, suspects how wide that variety is...

She is Special Agent G-63 of the Interstellar Tourism Agency, Fashion Code Enforcement Division. Agent G-63 and her partner, Agent K-9, monitor all inbound traffic on the eastern seaboard to ensure that all foreign (and we mean really foreign) tourists blend in with a society that has no idea the kids behind them on Space Mountain are from a remote moon of Jupiter. They also ensure that no "cutting edge" fashions are brought onto the planet that could effect or promote a demand from off-world merchandisers. (Just mention "mood rings" to any member of the FCED and watch them wince.)

Agent G-63 is renowned for her uncanny ability to control the temperament of any race or species, as well as for a body that would make Angelina Jolie weep over her husband's blood vial. (They are both residents from the Dog Star System, by the way, here on extended visas.) Many heads nod over glasses of smuggled port wine at the nearest spaceport when a recent visitor to our planet mentions getting his inseam measured by a blonde agent in a skin-tight white t-shirt.

But some offenders get through. Agent G-63 once reluctantly had to fine the ambassador from Planet Zeist 3,000 igb for an unfortunate choice in evening apparel that consisted of a latex overcoat and matching knee-high boots. While possibly being able to overlook that, she could not avoid citing him for the lace teddy. He plead ignorance, as his embassy had mistakenly sent him 14 tapes of HBO's "Real Sex" as research material.

And her career has not been without its own mishaps. She and her partner barely avoided an intergalactic incident when Agent K-9 mistook a fluffy pink accessory for a plush dog toy. Fortunately, it was not a member of the sentient species of handbags who dominate that cutthroat world of the faux suede industry. It took all of Agent G-63's charm and a lot of cute dog tricks to avoid a permanent mar on their record.

But you can rest safe at night knowing that, under her and her partner's watchful eyes, violations like that which brought about such disastrous trends as lime green leisure suits and parachute pants will never happen again.